It gets better

If you read "The Letter," you know that my ex- and first love emailed me to lay out his feelings for me, to confess that he would ALWAYS love me ... you know, while also telling me that he was getting married.

It took me a while to get over that email. In fact, I read it now and I can't say it's yet void of emotions for me. Certainly, however, it's more like pushing on a week-old bruise now. At the time, it was more like snapping a femur, breaking the skin and bleeding out.

While on the phone addressing that letter, I get an invitation to the wedding and an insistence that I bring a date. I said I would bring Jaded. He insisted I have a man on my arm. I said I would bring Jaded. And she agreed to go with me! So, I took it seriously. I mean, I asked Jaded to go with me and everything!

But we didn't go. Actually, I didn't find out about the wedding date until the day before when I deciphered it from a FB post. I was upset - I figured that an invitation that came with such flair and drama should be equally dramatic to cancel. But it wasn't - and I didn't know why. I chose to congratulate him and let him have his wedding, honeymoon and all that without the crazy ex- murkying shit up.

I wasn't going to be THAT guy.

Eventually, however, I addressed it. Because, as I pointed out, I deserved to know that I was being disinvited - was it a smaller affair than originally expected? I could understand that it was being kept small. Did the husband protest? I should know that he has such protests, considering we are in each others' phones and are friends on FB. Did he think I would act out? Seriously - I'm not THAT guy! Or maybe he just forgot - and in that case, I should tell him that's fucked up (because I *am* the dude that confronts people!) Whatever - I thought he thought better of me than to just ignore me and avoid the issue. I mean - we certainly have discussed more disheartening topics.

But - no. It was something I didn't expect. He deliberately didn't invite me and deliberately avoided the issue. WTF! I mean - didn't you WRITE that last letter?

Yes - and he also realized that his feelings for me aren't just in the past. They're in the here and now. As in ON TODAY.

And because of that he couldn't have me there while he took vows and married someone else.

(Is this really my reality right now? IS IT?!? FML)