Emotional IQ

I must admit that my emotional intelligence quotient had lagged behind the rest of me by at least a decade. I remember college well, in that I spent a LOT of time crying and moping and letting everything fester. When I lost my first love, I hit the lowest low I thought possible. I opined for many years. MANY.

And then there was my divorce - I was riddled with Christian guilt, couldn't figure out how to get out of a marriage I didn't want but that God wouldn't let me out of ... couldn't figure out how to enjoy my sexuality without making Jesus cry ... so instead, I had a melt down.

Suicidal ideations began at that time and I caught myself (Mainly because I just don't want to die!) and had to figure out how to get it all together. I was bluntly honest about things at that time and I was able to get through it. I bottled in a lot of issues and let it all out that one day when I had a nervous breakdown of sorts ... my then-wife took me to the stress center and I ended up seeing a counselor for some time thereafter to get it all situated and get my head on straight.

Funny, though, that I didn't realize how far I'd come with regard to my emotional IQ. Over the past 6 months I've been dealing with feelings for two very different people ... feelings that I had decided a while ago were just completely misplaced. So, I said nothing. I dealt with it in that very same way I learned how to from my counselor from back in the day (it's been YEARS since I've seen him and his shit STILL works!).

Recently there was one little small issue I needed resolved, and it's done. I got what I needed and after one day of feeling bad about it, I'm good to go.

No tears - no whining ... no nothing. Just a clear head, a sound mind and a newfound realization about how much I love me, how much I can handle and how far I've come in determining what's important to stress over and what is simply not an issue.

... of course, my kids are with they momma in Orlando and I thought I was going to have a heart attack that morning knowing they were surrounded by aircraft grade aluminum shooting through the sky without me. I don't care what ANYBODY says ... I'll always be an emotional wreck when it comes to them. I so love my babies.

Did I actually grow up? Wow. 21 weeks without a cig, 5+ months without sex ... I've taken up running (half marathon in September!) ... and I'm growed up? Who knew!