Tuesday, October 8, 2013


I have been in a funk before, but I promise you I have not known THIS level of apathy towards work since ever.  I have been completely overworked for too long and now I'm just over - over it, over it, over it.

It's just never ending and I'm losing it.  It's like I'm 19 hours into an 88 day flight.

I can't get to the boss because he went on a business trip to Mexico and is now vacationing there with his wife, because sure why not ... and the meeting we were to have as a group to discuss workload?  We're too busy to have that meeting and he postponed it a month.



Meanwhile - there's a litany of other things going on in my life besides work (I know - crazy) and managing it all emotionally just getting to me.  I'm privy to information about my brother (because he told me) that my parents don't know and friends of mine are telling me that my parents deserve to know, but I promised not to tell and although I know they should know - who the fuck am I?

So, there's that.  And then there's this whole new schedule with the kids that's fucking up a routine that's been working for 5 years.

I have had this goal of investing in property and can't seem to get past the threshold of any real progress because always something else comes up.  So, like do I really not want it? or am I just too busy to handle it?  Or ... fuck it.

Just fuck it.

I haven't even begun to discuss the fuckery I deal with at work from people who are all in the same boat as me ...

And do NOT get me started on ...

You know what - I'm burned out.  that's all.  I called off on Friday for feeling too ethnic to go into work (a brain-fuck in that I had to not go to work in order to keep my job) and all this week I just sleep to whenever the fuck I please and stroll in at noon or later when I start at 9:30 and really - who the fuck is gonna care?  The boss is on vacation in Mexico while I sit here not giving a flying fuck about doing a goddam thing.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Thinking out loud, but quietly

I quit smoking on January 4, 2010.  It was hard as hell.  But I'm better for it.  

I gave up casual sex in December 2009.  That wasn't so difficult.  And I'm better for it.

I'm grown, but I'm learning. I can readily identify issues within me that need addressed (like smoking and casual sex) but I tend to over correct.  See, with smoking that's fine - absolutely no cigarettes.  But I'm ready to admit that when I shut down the casual sex bit, I may have actually begun to completely shut out every potentially suitable suitor.  I've decided that's completely ridiculous, albeit drama-free.

Drama-free is an absolute must (I have kids and I'm not willing to bring negative energy around them or to them.) but that doesn't have to mean my love life has to be a complete zero.

Although, to be clear, I _am_ a kick-ass dad - so I've put that me time to very good use.